Retirement

I was having blast dating people I met online and even more fun making fun of their messages. Then, at the end of June, I received this message on OKC while I was at work:

Well howdy stranger.

The Fall is indeed f*ing awesome.

I was checking my messages on my iPhone, so I couldn't really see the profile pic, and I was a little confused about the cryptically short message and I spent my afternoon jog wondering if it was blog-worthy. When I got home later, I checked it again and realized that it was from a boy I met at a picnic in Central Park about a week earlier. A boy that I happened to think was completely adorable. My profile had come up as a 96% match for him. We started hanging out here and there and it didn't take long for me to fall for him. I've been hanging on to my OKC profile purely for the hilariously pathetic messages, but we've been together for close to five months now and it's finally time to delete my account. So, without further ado, please enjoy the last five months worth of stupid messages. And single friends: keep up the good work! I hope your dating adventures have a happy ending as well. And no, he doesn't wear skinny jeans.

I have a fan!!

I clicked on your profile because you looked cute. But as I read, some things on your profile gradually filled me with unimaginable terror. "I curse like a sailor" "NPR" "Set Designer" "waiting tables" "STEEL DRUMS" "SKINNY JEANS!"

That's when I knew that I had stumbled upon the owner of the blog I was shown just yesterday by a friend of mine. The situation became pretty serious because I was stuck between the motivation to not be humiliated on the interwebz and the motivation to talk to the girl who made me laugh for the whole 45 minutes it took to finish reading the whole blog. So, I decided to message you and hopefully not say anything creepy or stupid.

...hopefully.

This is amazing!! Thank you!!

Gross Beatniks.

hey just looking for a chat cause if given the chance it would be a pleasure to get to know you so if willing or able drop me a line some time till the next time take care

No thanks, I don't date Jack Kerouacs.

aaaaand he spelled awesome incorrectly...

hey cutie awsome smile

I didn't reply to this guy, but I have to credit him and his lack of punctuation with the new nickname I'm insisting all my friends use: Cutie Awesome Smile.

Sure, let me just grab my rape whistle...

Hi, I'm a married dominant man looking for a sweet passionate woman.. Would you like to get to know one another?

This is why nice guys finish last

Site said I should send you a nice message.. Doesn't get much nicer, than me stating it's a nice message.. in the message.

I don't know if you understand the definition of the word "nice."

No.

Is wearing capris ok?