Thursday, June 30, 2011

seltzer machines...i mean, what is the deal with that?

Hello there, empathetic aspiring set designer. I can't play the steel drums, but I own a seltzer machine. Does that balance out? I also curse a shitload, but usually not online because it can come across as a little fuckin' artificial, you know? But only sometimes.

YOU HAVE A SELTZER MACHINE? MY PANTIES HAVE ALREADY HIT THE FLOOR!

I own skinny jeans, but I won't wear them for you. I mostly just wear athletic shorts now. I do, however, own a seltzer machine, does that balance out? I'd like to play steel drums. I love how they sound on Jane Says by Jane's Addiction.

A SELTZER MACHINE, YOU SAY? I JUST CAME IN MY ATHLETIC SHORTS!


Oh, I have owned skinny jeans but also a seltzer machine. Do those cancel out?

YES, BECAUSE IF THERE IS A SELTZER MACHINE IN THE MIX, WE WON'T BE WEARING ANY PANTS.

hi there babe. How are you doing? You are super hot! I know we're only a 45% match and it's probably because I wear skinny jeans. I do have a seltzer machine though, does that cancel it out?

IF YOU CAN UTILIZE YOUR SELTZER MACHINE 55% OF THE TIME THAT WE'RE TOGETHER, I THINK WE CAN WORK THIS OUT!

Hey! As for your requirements- I don't play the steel drums, but I do own a seltzer machine! I just want to say after reading a bunch of profiles on ok Cupid, I was going insane. All the profiles said the same thing. " I love my friends and family and I like to have fun blah blah blah" I noticed something from your profile that I can't say I see in others. You have substance. I love the fact that you are passionate about what you do. I've read so many blah profiles, I thought I was on a dating site for robocops. Nobody wants to date a robocop... 2 part question
1. What was your first job ever?
2. If money was no object, but you still had to work, what would be your dream job?

YOU HAD ME AT SELTZER MACHINE. THE REST WAS BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH ROBOCOP BLAH BLAH ROBOCOP BLAH BLAH BLAH...

1 comment:

  1. charging the seltzer machine now.
    Actually your sister (older but she probably doesn't like that adjective no one does) told me about this blog.
    I'm just thinking you might blog like Forrest Gump. I've seen many Forrest Gump bloggers in my years blogging.
    Welcome to blogland
    One more thing - have you joined in on your sister's music game yet? you should

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