i'm in a sad mood tonight

oh sam cooke? I remember when i was little my grandfather used to play the vinyls, "A Change Is Gonna Come" was my favorite. He would always sit in his chair and read the paper with a glass of whiskey and his soul vinyls. Then he'd tell me stories about growing up, going to war about the friends he'd kept nad the ones he lost, the secrets to keeping my a woman happy, and what it means to be a man. I also remember my fist sip of whiskey with him turned out to be his last...umm yea sam cooke, great stuff.

His grandfather's secret to keeping a woman happy? Talk about really sad stuff. Right off the bat.

Manners

Hey, I just looked at your pictures, and I think you are hot, I would like to make out sometime, please. I hope you don't have a warning about these types of messages in your profile. Anyways, you are hot, you're smile made my day. Thanks.Yours truly,
Jacob

Missed Instant Message

Pardon my IM'ing you out of the blue, but may I say that you are dead sexy. ;)

Sleazy content aside, I do have to admit that these are actually two of the most polite messages I've ever received on this website. How tragic is that?

A Swell Schedule

Hi!

I appreciate brevity in all its forms, and also frankness, but I'll attempt to have a modicum of tact because crudeness is just awful.

I think you're terribly cute, and seem terribly swell, and I'd really like to skip past the part where we trade cutesy little internet messages and get to know each other on a fairly superficial level. What I'd love would be to take you out on a date sometime, where we can discuss all the things that we're passionate about, and both become terribly turned on by the fact that the other is so very passionate about such awesome things, and perhaps (but not necessarily) end the date with some awesome makeouts and the promise to spend more time together in the future.

If this appeals to you, message me back, and let's compare schedules!

-Gregory


Gregory! Athough I appreciate you being brief (actually, you weren't) and tactful (mmm...not so much) this is just creepy. Almost as creepy as the molestache you're sporting in your profile picture.

I am interested in comparing schedules, though. I bet yours goes something like this:

9am- Wake up from a terribly swell dream
10am- Make some awesome breakfast
11am- Take my terribly awesome dog for a swell walk
12pm- Have a horribly delicious lunch
1-6pm- Shave, trim, comb, powder and dress mustache
7pm- Horribly, terribly swell, swell horrible terribleness.
8pm- Send out awesomely creepy message to swell girl
9pm- Become terribly turned on at the prospect of a date with girl
10pm- Play awesome video games terribly
11pm- Go to sleep alone

The book he's talking about is The Stepford Wives...

If you've a bit of Lolita in your soul, may I entice you into indulging yourself in a flirtation with a charming, urbane, well-read, well-traveled, highly inappropriate rogue from the town in FF County that inspired Ira Levin to write the book that he's best known for. The one that was filmed not just once, but twice, here in the land of Pink And Green at, inter alia, the "Good Wives' Shopping Center." It exists. I didn't believe it until I went to see.

I'm an unreconstructed rebel/hippie/love-child from the 60's & 70's; more or less successfully disguised as a more or less responsible adult. The occasionally curmudgeonly but always funny fixture in the corner office that has been there for a 100 years, smokes cigars, reports apparently to no-one, and drives old old sports cars to and from work.

Roy

I thought I had finally received a message that left me utterly speechless, but then the brigade of disgusted expletives that left my mouth upon clicking on the attached pics to see a fat old man riding a horse reassured me that I hadn't quite reached that point yet.

Go ahead and reread this message. This time around, imagine it being spoken in the voice of "Yes Guy" from The Simpsons.

Love Always, Professor Trelawney

Hi,

I enjoyed reading your profile. It reflects a very genuine, real, and refreshingly rare person.

Lets meet for mimosas and great conversation at sunset by the river.

We have a lot in common and both seek the same.

Andrew

Also, neither can live while the other survives...the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies. And he will drink girly drinks.